My thoughts had always told me I was never good enough just as I am. I thought I would only be enough when I had more, was more, did better, achieved more, learnt more, travelled wider. The ‘I’ that I am in the present was just not good enough. I sought validation from others to feel good about myself because then the ‘more’ would be recognised and given the value that it deserves. I could then be enough.
If someone had of said to me that the ‘more’ that I strived to be was an illusion and that I was already more than enough, I would have laughed. I could be all that I am, without the ‘more’ and the ‘better’ defining me, In fact I could have more and be better simply as a bi-product of who I am.
But I did not know this and I wanted to improve my life – to have and be more (more money, more freedom, more love, more success, more goals, more achievements, more friends etc). In fact the list was endless because in a consumer culture you can always have and be more. I believed I was living a progressive and full life. I was on life’s ladder of a ‘successful and happy’ life, yet i was lost. I felt the dissonance, but I continued to wake up each morning and live my ‘progressive’ life.
My mind was noisy with others thoughts, yet I believed that these thoughts were of my own creation. I was always putting myself under pressure to ‘make it’, ‘get there’ or ‘have it all’. Funnily, I never ‘got there’, wherever there was and even if I had, it wouldn’t have been enough because I never recognised that I was, have and will always be enough. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of imprisonment, except I never knew I was imprisoned by my own thinking. I thought I lived a liberated life of progress and learning, achievements and success. How funny this is to me now.
What I discovered 8 years ago when my Dad passed away and I experienced, what I can only call another realm, was the power of space in my mind. To know and accept this space as who I am, just as I am, without thought, was and will always be my biggest success of all.
I began to reject so much of my thinking and instead I let thought arise from the empty space in my mind. I surrendered to its power, to guide me in my life and to date it has never let me down. The space in my mind knows only the most optimum path for me, even if at first it may not appear as such.
These thoughts that arose from the emptiness in my mind were peaceful thoughts, even when they were filled with unknowing, they were peaceful. In other words I was at peace with them, no matter what. For the first time in my life I trusted, whole-heartedly and surrendered to something truly powerful. The nothingness. The emptiness. It is everything. It is who I am and through it I become more and have more, easily and effortlessly.
My life changed from the inside out.
All of my relationships improved, bar none. I also had the courage to say no to those people I no longer wanted in my life. There was no ill will, anger or sadness. In fact, I do not even recall thinking about it much. There was just space and it was so very peaceful.
I changed my job and re-trained as a Life Coach, even though I had been in sales for over 25 years. I did this without giving it much thought. I let the space in my mind guide me and I stopped buying into the thoughts I had learnt and absorbed my whole life.
I had always worked in sales, not because I had consciously chosen to, but because from the age of 14 years (when I had my first job in telesales – illegally I must add!), I began to develop my sales skills. This was obviously my forte, I thought. Yeah right! It was just what I had learnt. Now I know that what I learn, is not who I am. No matter what it is that I learn. Who I am is truly greater and more powerful than anything I could ever learn. In fact, if it was not for who I am, I could not learn a single thing.
I re-discovered the love of my life. A wonderful man whom I had known for 15 years, but never valued his beauty because I could not value mine. I was in search for the ‘perfect’ man and of course he was the man who would be more, have more, know more etc. Yet the perfect man had always been in my life. Today he is my partner and my best friend and if it were not for the emptiness in my mind, I would never have known how to be so full in my heart.
I made more money than I had ever made before and it wasn’t a struggle or hard work to do so. And to top it all off, all of these changes were effortless and easy. I did nothing to change my life and yet it changed hugely, with very little thought. I just lived from the sheer emptiness in my mind and it guided me to the life I live today. My life had never been effortless and easy, in fact I was always trying and struggling, yet here I am living the life I love with the people I love, doing what I love and it’s SO EASY!
Let there be space in your mind. It is more powerful than you could ever imagine. This space is who you are, have always been and will always be.
I chose to write this blog because I wanted to share with you that what we may consider to be nothing, empty and silent in our minds is the most powerful part of our mind and from this space you can have all that you chose with very little effort.
Let there be space in your mind so that you may know how magnificent you truly are. It is from this empty space that you can be more and have more, not because it is who you are, but because who you are knows only how to deliver the very best for you.
Live from nothing, become everything.